Dare to be different

Some people are getting exited by collaborating. Some people not. This blog is about them. The people who are objective, concentrated, calm, reliable, precisely, consequent and independent with a vision and context.

They have deep discussions with themselves about the collaboration process. We have someone in the group who recognize herself in this profile. She is dedicated,  inspired and she knows so much, she always has arguments with high quality. It seems she thought about everything we never heard from before. She is a valuable and reliable group member.

She had discussions with her own self about collaboration. We decided that she could be two persons in the group, 😉 so she could give different opinions, different visions, different thoughts on the same topic. We laughed about it, but it was serious.

Her contribution in the Fish form is of high quality and highly appreciated by the group but also intimidating for some group members because of her knowledge and dedication. How could we compare to her? She is also a native English speaker. And some people in the group are not and searching for words.

Sometimes she has some problems with understanding emotional thresholds of others and she is getting frustrating when the process is slowing down. She has clearly in mind what she wants to achieve, with the group.

I know these kind of people because I was married one.

Together we went to a course “Human Dynamics” that was 15 years ago. I learned that these kind of people (sorry to put you in a box, you are very unique and special, but there are similarities with others like you, i will call the “mental oriented people”, you know it)  mental oriented people communicate and learn different from emotional centered people (like me.. I am also unique and special, but I have a lot in common concerning communicating and learning with others… I feel it). After the course I understood a lot of my frustrations while working in groups. I understand that mentally oriented people has a special role in groups and me too.

Human Dynamics has never been very popular.The trainings are licensed and expensive, not Open Source. But the book is on sale.

Human Dynamics: A New Framework for Understanding People and Realizing the Potential in Our Organizations by Sandra Seagal and David Horne

Mental people are objective and concentrated to the topic. They can lead a session very well. Most of the time they have strong values which they guard during the session. They are directive in a polite way and clear in their vision. (Most of the time) They have a long term perspective… their input is about logical arguments and thoughts within a context… so the emotional oriented people like me feel great nearby these persons. Everything will be alright with mentally oriented people in the neighborhood.

How do they -the mental oriented people- look at me, the emotionally oriented people?

I prefer to talk with others, to brainstorm, all together at the same time. Inspiring each other, laughing, saying important things. It has to be inspiring and exiting… like chickens. Then something lights up which is important to me and it will be recognized by other chickens… that is the way we work together.

Mentally oriented people think often that this way of talking is ineffective, that it can not bring any outcome… but… it does.

If you want to collaborate you can learn which type you are, what value you have in the group. Others can learn how they can “use” you. For example: If the group needs to solve a problem, ask me. I can give a great variety of answers because I am creative in my thinking. Don’t ask me to make a decision, because when I am exited and busy in my creative brain I can’t listen to others… and being objective is difficult and takes time for me.

I was always jealous on mental oriented people with clear minds, with an objective and wise way of talking with others and now I am 58 and I learned to listen to these mental oriented people, they are not against me, they are not strange, they are just different. I also learned the impact of my emotions in communicating and collaborating. Earlier my emotions in the group were to strong (“please listen to me I have something great to say and then when I get the floor there was a totally unstructured story coming out of my mouth who now-one understood….”

I learned my role in the group has become more clear. That makes me relaxed, because I am doing something which I have by nature, I feel well with it. I don’t have to convince others, because I can put my creative ideas next to others, my arguments are not better or worst than others but they are different, and creative.And… i love to put some wood on the fire sometimes, being the devils advocate, because everyone is sleeping…

I know others are strong in pointing to the end of our road by referring on our group goals and putting things in order. That’s why I need to collaborate, my personal motivation, because I can’t do it all on a high level of quality like we do in the group.

And…It is more relaxed if you dare to be different.

Do you recognize something?

Photo credit: 藍川芥 aikawake Hair or Mustache via photopin (license)

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